I HATE YOUR GUTS

I came into this process after experiencing an eating disorder and distorted body image targeted at the stomach. Through entering into the artistic process from a deep place of pain, vulnerability, and anger, I was able to begin to feel and heal the trauma stored in my belly. The piece that ended up coming through me was a very abstracted self-portrait titled I Hate Your Guts; A displaced fifth hand reflection. It involved my videoed and projected self, reflected through a mirror onto my naked body. It was performed in front of a select trusted group of peers. The piece lead into a lengthy discussion of how to combat the isolation of negative body image. One of my questions was how we could remember how to be embodied loving mirrors for one another. This piece, along with my written reflection of it, is one of my most cherished, personal, and developed works I have ever created. I am extremely grateful and proud of the growth and feeling that was able to emerge from sitting in this piece and following it through the deep pain and questioning that unraveled into vast healing and learning.